Wounded

Today I was reminded of a few women in my life, who I have given my heart, and everything else in me to, for many years, who eventually turned on me as quick as a serpent, and said the most hurtful, vile, and evil things about me.

I never responded in anger and I never attacked back. I never “took the bait” and gave in to my anger, because I always understood a few things. 

Number 1, anger is generally caused by being hurt, and when I am hurt I know that silence is always best. It’s always best to let God heal the hurts within me, before lashing out with my emotions.

After some time has passed, then I realize that words won’t help anything. They revealed their true feelings towards me, and I wouldn’t be able to trust that friendship again, even if I wanted to. I forgive them immediately, but I won’t trust my inner self to them again.

Number 2, I know that God is my defender and my refuge. I know that those women know the truth of what they’ve done. They’ve often projected their own values and issues on me. They think that if that’s how they would behave, those must be my values as well. I know that they are not.

Number 3, is that the best way to have peace in my life is to just not engage in that behavior myself, no matter how much they have hurt me. I’m not afraid of a “fight”, but only when it’s worth fighting about. In my life, I’ve survived enough true suffering to know that these types of “fights” have no winners, and in the “Big Picture” aren’t worth fighting.

Number 4, I know that my conscience is clear because I KNOW that I have never been anything but kind, giving and loving to these women. I have never personally attacked anyone in my adult life. 

I have never judged a person by their wealth, or lack of wealth. I have never judged a person’s education, or lack of education. I have never judged a person’s faith or lack of faith. I have never judged a person’s life decisions.

Not since I was a child, have a behaved that way, and even as a child, I was not cruel. These women were cruel, and that is between them and God, not them, me and God.

Knowing that I have spent the last 35+ years trying to help people, while working on “the log in my own eye”, or as another friend puts it, “making sure my side of the street is clean”, gives me complete peace when another woman treats me this way.

Now I’m going to be an open book (as always) and also tell you that it still hurts me so deeply. The wounds are still down there, and I can still feel those pains vividly, when I let my mind go back to those interactions. 

The betrayal that I felt. The feelings of, “How could they say these things?” The simple fact that they had held onto those feelings towards me, or had been sometimes using me, while being jealous of my life, was shocking and traumatic to me, emotionally. The hurts are still there, if I let my mind dwell on them. I have enough things going on in my life, that are truly important, than to spend time dwelling on those pains, but sometimes they pop up.

First of all, the fact that anyone would be jealous of my life means that they’re only looking at the superficial stuff. I doubt anyone would want to go through the trials of my life, for any amount of money!

I’m sharing this because I know that I’m not the only person who has had similar experiences, and I thought that by sharing, it might help you deal with them better.

As I’ve taught my children, particularly my daughter, “Never let someone else’s behavior change who God created you to be.” I told them that “I’m not raising victims. I never want to hear ‘well, they did this to me, so I did that!” We can’t control what others do to us, or how they feel about us, but we can control how we respond to it.

It’s my nature to be an “other’s centered” person, and so is my daughter’s. I had to teach her that her “normal” wasn’t everyone else’s “normal”. I also taught her that that’s okay. She knows that God made her this way for a reason, and to never let anyone else change that! Me too!

We could put up walls, and stop even trying. Sometimes that feels easier, at least at that moment. If we do that though, then nobody wins. As we choose to be who God created us to be, we develop the Fruits of His Spirit within ourselves, and can continue to keep trying to help and love the others that He brings into our lives.